Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
