Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
