i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
