i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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