I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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