What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
