Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
