She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
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my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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