Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
