Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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