So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
