Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
