I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
