look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize