I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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