I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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