So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
