I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
