Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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