Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Randomize
