whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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