i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
