that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
well you can't waste a boner
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
