How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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