i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
