Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
