i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
