He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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