Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
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Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
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I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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