I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom