first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?