just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?