your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
