i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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