you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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