**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
