dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
