the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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