nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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