Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
