Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
