Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
