I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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