You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
