franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
