Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
