does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
