He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
