...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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