AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
