last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
