She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
