I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
