dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
