Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
