"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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