this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Randomize
