babies were throwing up all over the place
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
