i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
