And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
