I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
