she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
