Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize