Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
