i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
