God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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